Drenched Love

Her heart broke with a louder shatter this time. She dared not make a sound. Shhh... Be silent, and maybe no will notice... if you're lucky that is.

He offered to help her. She stared at him, trying to see if he could pick up those pieces and mend them again. Can he? How I wish you could help, she thought. And then, just for a split second, she found herself in a weak moment. She kept staring at him, trying to find something in him she once believed in as a religion. Why was he not looking at her in the eye? He couldn't. Was he ever such a coward? She suddenly didn't know him anymore. Her gaze, with those silent, numerous questions, that helplessness would be too much for him, maybe. Maybe her eyes would haunt him. He didn't want that. He couldn't help it.

Silently, she walked away and out of the room where the air vibrated with this complication that now held her life at stake. She did not want to look back. No. She didn't have the courage to see that man change. It was raining heavily and she was drenched instantly. She couldn't have cared any less now. Once upon a magical time, he held her world together from falling apart. Once, his deep voice had resonated in her dreams, ridding her of fearful, sleepless nights. His eyes had been loving; his smile had been warm and his arms had been protective. And rains... it was something they both adored. Playing for hours in the rain with not a care of the world around them. They were always so absorbed, always so much fond of each other, that the whole world would fade into the background... She stopped thinking... she had to... she was going crazy. Today... oh today, the man she was leaving behind was someone else. His voice was distant, his arms no longer embraced her, his eyes could not meet hers anymore. Something was amiss; and today, despite being a few inches from each other, they were worlds apart.

The world hadn't matter once upon an enchanting moment, when the days were sunny and the nights twinkled. No one had mattered more than him when those days and nights had been filled with his innocent tokens of affection. And she was very much in love. They say love hurts. Does it? She couldn't believe. He loved her too... deeply.

But today, the man she didn't want to look back at, was definitely someone else. This had to be. I don't know where he is anymore! He never went away... he would never leave me. This is just someone else in his skin. He can never hurt me.. no he cannot. A tear fell down her cheek. How can they say he never cared? What do they know? How can they possibly know how much those little things meant? Do I need to hear it from them? He was my faith in people again and if mere mortals could be worshipped... had it been anyone else but him? No!! They don't know... They don't know how I cherish those memories... those smiles he left with me... that sense of strength he gifted me.. they don't know... no... they don't... he...

She broke down in terrible sobs. The sky weeped with her... 

... he's still here with me, in my heart... People stay with you when they die, don't they? He's just lost somewhere from where he cannot return... Does that mean he deserves to be hated by me? No... How can I hate him... how... can... She was crying bitterly. How can I possibly...? She started choking. She had to get a grip on herself. I can't go on like this. She, now, sat on the edge of a foot path and took deep breaths, trying in vain to soothe herself. Slowly and gradually she composed herself.

Today, that man she left behind didn't matter. She knew wherever he was, he still loved her. How couldn't he?

And with these thoughts, she sat on that foot path and decided to bathe in heaven's waters. Finally, it felt as if something had been left loose in her. The chains that seemed to bind her had faded. She smiled after a long time. She could feel him. He was around... inside her.

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picture courtesy: deviantART

"Friends... ?"

He had dropped by her office so suddenly she couldn’t believe it was really him. She had acted so stupid when she almost tripped over something in her confusion. He was amused at her reaction. She was obviously quite nervous and he grinned because he really did want to give her a surprise.  All the way she was silent… too stunned to speak. She had wished, yes, but never said it. Life had always seemed to have its own way ever since he stepped into it. Or was it when someone precious came by, you wanted things to work out perfectly. You would suddenly become conscious of all the things that may ruin it, and in doing so… life would seem cruel and unpredictable.

Now he was sitting before her. They were at a campus she had once studied at. She thought the greenery there was soothing and she wanted to relax now when out of her office. This certain January afternoon was a warm one and she wanted to sit on the grass, bake in the warm sunshine for a while. She had been shivering in cold when they had walked in so he gladly agreed.

“Look at you… don’t you eat something?” he was in his usual friendly tone.

She smiled but remained silent. She was observing him like she had the last time. The same wrist watch, the digital one that could tell the time from different countries of the world. That’s how he had told her about his favorite watch a year back. She giggled at the innocent memory.

“What?” he said, smiling back at her.

“Nothing…” Then she looked at his face. Two years back she had told him they were baby eyes and how cute she found them. They were their best when that pair of baby eyes looked at her. She giggled again.

“What!!? Why are you laughing to yourself? Do I look funny?” He was a little puzzled but nonetheless, still enjoying the fact that he had surprised her out of her wits.

“Nothing, really…”

“No no no… now tell me why you were laughing. Right now!! Come on…”

“Oh God! It’s nothing yaar…”

“Okay I’m not gona talk to you till you tell me!” He would always do that to make her talk. It was the easiest way and she would spill it all out the very next moment.

“Well… Everything came back to me… I still can’t believe you’re sitting in front of me. It’s like a dream… So I’m just trying to… make myself accept the fact you really are here… in person.”

He laughed. The usual way.

“See?" He said. "You should have seen the look on your face! Hahaha! You went white as if you’d seen a ghost or something.” He laughed more. She kept gaping at him. She couldn’t help it. It was unbelievable and she was left… speechless.

“You’re doing it again girl.”

“What am I doing?” She said coming back to earth.

“You’re staring at me like you’re gona eat me!” He flashed her one of his boyish smiles and that crazy look of his eyes. Baby-like, she thought. “I thought I was gona meet some fashionable girl… You should look at your poses in the photographs sometimes…” saying it exactly the way he had said it last time they had met, laughing heartily. “But you’re very different really. You have such an innocent face.” She smiled and nodded lightly. Her eyes fell on his wrist again.

“What this?” She said, pointing to a thin black band-like thing he had on his other wrist.

“Oh this… it’s just something a little cousin of mine gave me.”

“Rakhi sorta thing, right?”

“Emmm… yes… no… I don’t know… she gave it to me out of love, so I accepted it.”

“That’s sweet.” She smiled. “Are you a shia?” It was something she had asked the last time also. She was playing a game, repeating the things they had said the last time.

“No. Are you?” he almost winked his eyes at that, quickly realizing what she was doing.

“No,” she laughed as she said it, amused he had joined her in her little game.

He winked, "Then I guess it's okay for me to not be one either!"

Then she suddenly grew silent.

“Do you know how it’s like being light years away from you…?” He fell silent. She went on. “And do you know how going to every new place, meeting new people brings back the fact that I have never and probably never be able to have you around like friends really are?”

“I know. We can’t do anything about it can we?” he said.

“Of course we can’t…,” a tear fell down her cheek as she said that. “I’ve missed you Teddy. Going to work every day… meeting new people… those praises, big projects, incentives… all means nothing. Because at the end of the day, I know I’m only running away from myself… I try to text you, but end up saying something emo so… I don’t know what to write anymore… And you think I’m busy with stuff, absorbed in things, not giving you time… I wonder if all friends act as nutty as I do… I ...” And she broke down.

He said nothing. He just hugged her tight. It was alright again. Teddy was there.

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picture courtesy: deviantART

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P.S. Sorry for my last post guys... I was down in the dumps and I thought it better to share it with you all.... Your support and love has been immense. 

Thankyou all! *Hugs* 

xoxoxo!!!