Sunday, November 1, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
My eyes lit up as he swayed me to the music. In a split second, I discovered the fire in me, lighting up my very existence, with dreams, new possibilites, a new flair... He held my hand softly, and I felt like a painter's masterpiece. It was how I knew arts; art always came from a place within you that was the purest. And it came to you as a gift, something that you not define, but only express, in various forms. He made me feel like a piece of art. I felt like a thousand colors, all bright and beautiful, captivating, mesmerizing, enchanting. The colors that spoke to me each day, I was one of them now; a dazzling red one moment, a soothing blue the other, gentle as white, a sophisticated pink the other, yellow with a tinge of orange like the bright sun, a seductive black, a peaceful green the other... I laughed, and the sound of my laughter broke into a thousand little pieces that he said were like music to his ears, dancing around us, making the rhythms stronger, the air more dreamy. I suddenly knew passion with innocence, the distance that came with being close, knowing yourself completely for a moment, losing yourself to someone the other.
First posted on Chronicles of a Drama Queen
on August 28th, 09.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
I caught a glimpse of her as the university bus passed by. She seemed anxious to get home and glowed with excitement. She told me once it all started as something she never thought twice about, yet now she was holding her heart tightly, for fear of losing it to him any moment. I questioned her worries; I asked her what made her so weak. She had no clue.
I could see she did not want to think. She was always looking away in the distance, always avoided thinking about herself, to look inward. The fire in her was dying, her laughter couldn’t reach up to her eyes. They had become glazed. I often wanted to ask her what troubled her, left that question for fear she might lose her composure. She was surrounded by friends and I could see she was trapped. She wanted to break free but never dared; her wings were weak. She would fall.
Then I had seen her grow happy, with the laughter reaching her eyes and coloring her ever so childlike cheeks. I saw the glaze break down and the curtains falling. From the silent girl with dreams forgotten, she became someone I always thought she could be. I wanted to know more about her new found happiness but maybe she had closed her eyes to have that happiness. I did not want to ruin it for her. She had, by all means, the right to live in bliss. I wanted to look after her, but maybe she already had someone now.
A little further and I saw her standing outside the gates of a medical college. Despite the heat, she looked happy. She was thinking of someone, probably the one who was the reason of this change. I did not stop by her; I did not want to break her spell, for she looked best when she dreamt of happy dreams. I wondered if her nightmares had spared her; I remember the frightening details she once told me and prayed someone might come and hold her when she was scared. The innocent easily fall prey to evil; I hope he’s there for her every time she’s wakes up from a bad dream.
I… Oh… she’s smiling to herself. Does she even know she’s in love? Now I smile too.
I walk on till I come to a stop. She sits there head bent, talking to someone, crying bitterly. I want to know what the trouble is about. I can’t hear a word, slowly she stops crying. My heart leaps out to her, but I am happy she has someone to soothe her, so what if it isn’t me? I see her put on a brave face; wipe those tears away with the back of her hands. It’s him on the phone probably, telling her to smile and so she manages it; just for him.
I want her to triumph in love. It’s all over her face. She’s happy and strong and while he’s around, I will watch her from a distance and make sure she’s fine in her world. I want to her to know if she gets lonely, I’ll be there to save her from falling.
I pray he doesn’t go, for she loves him so!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
I was suffocating now, dying a slow death. Who could have found me here? It was a dark and remote place. The reason of this choice was an obvious one. I had tried to flee many a times and they had followed because they cared. Yes they really did care. And no, I wasn’t the black sheep of the family, though it always appeared to be that way.
I was lucky. Living in a place where poverty wasn’t rare, I had been blessed with the best of everything. They loved me and protected me. They provided for me to the best of their abilities and I was thankful. Sadly, their love didn’t touch my heart. No one did. Was my heart stone cold? It was. But no, it wasn’t like this always. My heart was waiting to be touched by love… it yearned to feel… it ached to be given life. With time, it grew colder and colder till it turned into a stone, the yearning and the aching still hiding somewhere deep. Love that over powered me when I saw someone less fortunate than me or someone in pain… I still had that tinge of humanity in me left. But they never tried to see me that way.
I choked. I was thirsty with no one around to give me water. My eyes fell onto the blade that lied a few inches away on the floor. That’s all it took to end it, didn’t it? I lived a life searching for that certain something that would fill up the void in me. Lived up to their expectations… pulled in sorts of directions without a word. The should’s never ended. They never did. Making it a “life” was so tough… finishing was so easy wasn’t it? Just like that… snap? I realized how little was it all… the big hype we used to make out of life… it ends just like that, doesn’t it? The blood shone back. Red. Deep red. My blood. And now it was all but a mess on the floor. It was a sad sight. It hurt… yes it did. That was me there on the floor… spilled out on the floor like a gooey big mess of red. Was I ever such a waste? I never believed so. There I was, treating myself with care… thanking God for whatever He made of me…. And here I lay, choking in a pool of blood, dying a lonely death. Solitude was something very enjoyable, provided you enjoyed your own company. But then, there was a time when I started running from my own self. I feared being alone, I feared crying… I feared remembering that I was scared. The blade told me everything will be fine. Yes it did say that… it told me that if I let it pierce through me, it’ll give me peace. The pain would be there, but the peace and calmness that followed it was promised. And so it was. It was a numbing feeling. I felt great to meet myself again. After running so much, all the hiding and lying and escaping… it had only brought me to myself. It was like a reunion… coming back home. I was happy to be alone with myself now. Self indulgent, yes? Maybe. A friend said once, ‘when you have nowhere to go, go back to yourself’. That line never really did leave me. So here I was, with myself again, somewhere where I was best understood and helped.
Tears streamed down my cheek. I was defeated and I wanted to cry my heart out on this defeat. They made me do this. Oh they made me! On and on, they chained me. If I were sane, I would’ve calmed down with time. Mine was a restless soul, destined for glory… the promised glory. Look at me now… I suddenly realized what had really become of me. They had eaten me from inside. My mind was heavy with thoughts and fears, known and unknown, since long now. I had decided to put them aside… pretend… act. But they continued to grow… the fears became stronger, bigger, firmer… till I had a doubt on my sanity. Sudden anger… venting it all out in sheer madness, wonder, and uncertainty. It became too much for me. It did!
I choked again, I choked blood this time.
I died, my heart still untouched.
picture courtesy: deviantART
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Note: This was my first post to a group blog, Femme Fatale, I recently joined. I intended it to be something to celebrate the diva in each and everyone of us girl. So girls, this is for you all!! With love~
The sky growled and it thundered loudly. The earth was damp with heaven’s waters. Not a care of the world. She enjoyed it all, every drop of it. It was something she felt very close to. Rain… when her femininity seemed to come alive and take over her completely. The look in her eyes maddened him. He leapt to grab her hand, push her close to him but she escaped narrowly. Laughing and giggling, her eyes danced as the sound of her laughter spread like magic in the air. She was playing hard to get. The little crazy creature had him running after her for days, a trance that was taking over him with every passing day. He had to have her! There was no end to this madness that now raged within him like a wild fire. She was an amalgamation of beauty, femininity and something so vividly sexy. Her alluring mass of long, thick hair reminded him of wild waves… proud and powerful. Her eyes looked like innocence captured on canvas to the very perfection of a human hand. But wait… she was giving him that look again… oh when she looked at him like that! Her eyes turned wicked now. It was a challenge. She was part angel, part devil, and the way she changed with them was what turned him on. She knew this game too well. Up until now, he charmed the very alluring of women, casting a spell on them till they could no longer bear to be without him. They flocked around him, some fought over him, some cheated for him, some claimed to have found a deeper meaning to love. But he knew it was pure lust, mere desires of the body, that were as momentary as they could really be. His fleeting affairs with the very “sought after” women had blessed him with an arrogant air about him. He was the kind of person who wouldn’t take “no” for an answer… but the beauty that his eyes beheld seemed to take immense pride in breaking every shred of manly ego he had in him when it came to his sensuality. He was frustrated now… and she was enjoying this.
“Listen to me!” he called out to her. She heard him alright, but she didn’t stop. She was pacing fast now, going further and further away. He followed her, deciding not to give in if that was what she wanted him to. Two steps more and she looked back. A smile at the end of her full lips and that touch of naughtiness in her eyes lighted something in him again. She walked in a steady rhythm now, a proud rhythm with sensual movements clearly visible as the rain drenched her on and on. He was under a spell. He knew he had let go of even the very last bit of pride in him by following her like that. But he was doing it, partially amazed at his helplessness.
It thundered again. He knew a chance when it came. He leapt forward, grabbed her by her tiny wrist and pulled her towards himself. He grinned to himself as her eyes looked at him in bewilderment. She put on a brave face and met his eyes boldly. The eyes were doing it again. With a blink they were soft, like a baby’s, but continued to grow aware of their power as the gaze held longer. He was watching her now. Closely. The way her damp hair fell on her face… tiny drops of water trickling down her high cheekbones, down onto the earth from her delicate chin… Strangely, she smelled of the fragrance of damp earth… no... She smelled of jasmines… it was hard to make out. Her eyes blazed with a passion new to him. He had only seen weak women till now, the ones that were weak at heart and character, the ones who’d do anything to get him for a one night stand, hence his low opinion of women. But this girl seemed to challenge his entire knowledge about the female sex. She was hard to get, harder to soften up, impossible to tame. She had an air of dignity; an inner strength one couldn’t help sensing. Yet she seemed like the rest, alluring, sensual, suave. She knew the power she had over him and she knew the art of using it. Yes, it was an art for her. She was like a painter, painting his heart with a new color with wild strokes of her brush that almost killed him each time. Her full lips had an enticing delicacy to them that added to the glamour she shone with. He had never felt so numbed. He had never known the power of a woman over him. Had it been anyone else, he would have found himself in a momentary complex, yet she had a strange grace that whispered all his fears off. It was her “saving grace”, he decided to call it that. His arrogance faded and he softly let her hand go. She blew a kiss and she laughed and walked away, enjoying the rain as an innocent child would… wild and free.
She was “femme fatale”… in the best of the meanings. She could slay his heart with one look if she wanted to… yet she chose to show him something he never knew. She knew how to create magic; she knew well how to burn something wild and unforgiving in him. Her body could create desires untamed, yet her generosity could rouse a love that also knew how to gain respect and admiration.
She was, in every way, a woman. The perfect femme fatale.
picture courtesy: deviantART
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Her heart broke with a louder shatter this time. She dared not make a sound. Shhh... Be silent, and maybe no will notice... if you're lucky that is.
He offered to help her. She stared at him, trying to see if he could pick up those pieces and mend them again. Can he? How I wish you could help, she thought. And then, just for a split second, she found herself in a weak moment. She kept staring at him, trying to find something in him she once believed in as a religion. Why was he not looking at her in the eye? He couldn't. Was he ever such a coward? She suddenly didn't know him anymore. Her gaze, with those silent, numerous questions, that helplessness would be too much for him, maybe. Maybe her eyes would haunt him. He didn't want that. He couldn't help it.
Silently, she walked away and out of the room where the air vibrated with this complication that now held her life at stake. She did not want to look back. No. She didn't have the courage to see that man change. It was raining heavily and she was drenched instantly. She couldn't have cared any less now. Once upon a magical time, he held her world together from falling apart. Once, his deep voice had resonated in her dreams, ridding her of fearful, sleepless nights. His eyes had been loving; his smile had been warm and his arms had been protective. And rains... it was something they both adored. Playing for hours in the rain with not a care of the world around them. They were always so absorbed, always so much fond of each other, that the whole world would fade into the background... She stopped thinking... she had to... she was going crazy. Today... oh today, the man she was leaving behind was someone else. His voice was distant, his arms no longer embraced her, his eyes could not meet hers anymore. Something was amiss; and today, despite being a few inches from each other, they were worlds apart.
The world hadn't matter once upon an enchanting moment, when the days were sunny and the nights twinkled. No one had mattered more than him when those days and nights had been filled with his innocent tokens of affection. And she was very much in love. They say love hurts. Does it? She couldn't believe. He loved her too... deeply.
But today, the man she didn't want to look back at, was definitely someone else. This had to be. I don't know where he is anymore! He never went away... he would never leave me. This is just someone else in his skin. He can never hurt me.. no he cannot. A tear fell down her cheek. How can they say he never cared? What do they know? How can they possibly know how much those little things meant? Do I need to hear it from them? He was my faith in people again and if mere mortals could be worshipped... had it been anyone else but him? No!! They don't know... They don't know how I cherish those memories... those smiles he left with me... that sense of strength he gifted me.. they don't know... no... they don't... he...
She broke down in terrible sobs. The sky weeped with her...
... he's still here with me, in my heart... People stay with you when they die, don't they? He's just lost somewhere from where he cannot return... Does that mean he deserves to be hated by me? No... How can I hate him... how... can... She was crying bitterly. How can I possibly...? She started choking. She had to get a grip on herself. I can't go on like this. She, now, sat on the edge of a foot path and took deep breaths, trying in vain to soothe herself. Slowly and gradually she composed herself.
Today, that man she left behind didn't matter. She knew wherever he was, he still loved her. How couldn't he?
And with these thoughts, she sat on that foot path and decided to bathe in heaven's waters. Finally, it felt as if something had been left loose in her. The chains that seemed to bind her had faded. She smiled after a long time. She could feel him. He was around... inside her.
picture courtesy: deviantART